I goofed Up. Again.
Have you ever had one of those moments when a thought pops into your head that seems completely unrelated to what is going on around you? Sometimes it is a drive to do something outside of your comfort zone. Or one of those things you don't really want to do. Perhaps you find it too bothersome.
It may be something as simple as 'You really need to grab the umbrella.'
I dislike umbrellas. I find them cumbersome while dragging around a toddler, a diaper bag, a purse, my coffee cup and someone's pink blanket. There is no place put the dripping wet umbrella when you get to the grocery store and then it just gets everything wet and messy. Oh, I don't like wet and messy! I would honestly rather get sprinkled on. Unless of course, I had a feeling I should bring that umbrella and I ignored it and then proceeded to accidentally lock myself out of the van. With a toddler. In the rain. Gosh, an umbrella might have been helpful. Maybe I should have grabbed one....
Maybe it is that nagging feeling that you should call so and so from church or send grandma a love note. You are standing knee deep in life while canning tomatoes with a sick, teething, baby and you have spelled Minnesota fifty-five times for your elementary student's state report in the last twenty minutes and in pops, 'You should really give Matilda a call. Maybe she needs a meal.' Really? Umm, I guess I don't have a free arm for that.
I have been getting better about this business of listening. I know in the past I have brushed off that nagging little buzzy bee and said, 'No, not me!' to more than one of the LORD's commands of me. Now though, now I am listening better. The more I read my Bible and pray the louder that command is. Hard to brush it off when you know better.
A few years back I was standing in the checkout line of a local gas station thinking about how much I wish I could buy one of their amazing pizzas for supper with my gas money instead of going home and making a real supper. I was politely minding my own business in my daydream while holding my youngster's hand and intermittently saying no to gum, chocolate, candy, and lighters. Once I got up to the checkout woman we visited a bit because I knew her vaguely through my husband.
In my head popped this idea: 'Invite her to church.'
What? There are three men waiting in line behind me and my child has just grabbed a beef stick off the counter for the third time... I need to get out of here. I'm not inviting her to church!
'Invite her to church.'
No, it's weird. She will think I am weird.
'Invite her to church!'
People don't talk about that in checkout lines. No.
I left with child minus gas money, beef sticks, and my peaceful heart.
And I never forgot that feeling of disobedience. I had no right to decide no. My job is to say it even if it sounds foolish and crazy. I felt guilt for quite some time.
Flash forward to my now world. I have learned so much since then! I invite people to church all the time. We do hymns and modern worship. We raise our hands. We clap. We hug and pray. We fellowship and drink coffee. We HOME church. Not an easy, chattable topic for most people because it is a little on the fringes of 'normal'. We never intended to home church, it just happened according to the LORD's plan. Who am I to not invite people to hear God's word just because it may be different?
So I am not ashamed and I have gotten pretty good at those nudges from the Holy Spirit because I do not like the feeling that comes with disobedience. I really try to act on those buzzy bee ideas even when I am so very uncomfortable I want to squirm under a rock afterwards. I'm trying to obey my LORD and doing okay. Or so I thought.
Two weeks ago I was at the grocery store, this time with three kids, a list and a mission. I ran into an some old friends. Well a friend of The Preacher Man. The Preacher Man's used to be best friend before the ministry they were in fell apart and dissolved along with their friendship. When that ministry center took a dive it swallowed up and spit out too many Christian brothers and sisters and the pain was a resounding gong that hasn't fully healed in any of us. Aren't church splits the absolute most painful?
So here I am, forced with a need to be friendly when it feels so awkward and unsure. There was an ocean of disagreements, tears, and regrets standing in the 4 feet between me and ex-best friend and his wife. It felt uncomfortable, icky, sad. We talked politely. My heart trembled. And I heard it. I felt it.
Where are they going to church?
Oh please LORD no.
Are they churching anywhere?
No, no, no, no.... this is too hard. That ministry almost ruined my marriage. No.
Just give them the address.
No... I don't have it memorized.
Invite them to church.
No, it just hurts too much.
We say goodbye. Sir Bean has to use the restroom. Prince Ray has seen a friend. I am dazed on the inside and yet mostly calm on my exterior.
I am sweating.
I can hear my internal dialogue on a loop like a bad movie trailer. OVER AND OVER IT PLAYS.
I feel instant guilt.
I pray. I pull out my phone and quickly text to get the official address and scrounge through my purse and find a scrap of pink princess paper.
With a green crayon I write the address and time with this: The LORD is leading me to invite you to church on Sunday. It may be a can of worms we don't want to deal with. Which is probably why he wants us to open it.
I look everywhere in the store.
I lose the paper and write it again. But they are gone.
I am ashamed.
I pray. I commit.
Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.
~1 Corinthians 11:1
Publicly I commit to a do over on that. I think the LORD will bring us another 'chance' meeting and I will follow through.
Let's open that can of worms.
Say of your brothers, ‘My people,’ and of your sisters, ‘My loved one.’
~ Hosea 2:1
Possibly Linking With:
Frugally Sustainable Artful Homemaking Far Above Rubies A Wise Woman Builds Her Home Wholehearted Home Growing HomeWisdom Wednesdays and Link Up
No Ordinary Blog Hop
Frontline Moms Friday Fun
The Welcoming House
Domestic Randomness~ Friday Fascinations