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| Regret by Alfred Stevens |
Today I had a homeschool mama meltdown. Oh it was a slobbery mess. It was one of those hide in the bathroom and cry into some toilet paper moments. What? You don't have those?!
Every parent of multiple children has that one kid that has to push the buttons. Some of you have an only child that likes to push your buttons. That one child that always knows just which trigger to click to send you careening over the edge of sanity. The kid that can simply look at you the wrong day when you haven't had your third cup of of coffee yet and it simply just ticks. you. off. For no reason. The child that says things that are rude. That acts inconsiderate. Stubborn. Willful. Ungrateful. This child will be bold in his discontent and make everyone know about it. Or perhaps he will cause discontent simply because he can. He will monitor the ebb and flow of your day and when the toddler has tried to clean the toilet (true story), the cat has escaped out the screen door (again), and you have burnt the second batch of cookies for the church potluck he will strike. Like a coiled garden snake. Just a nip. An off side comment about the lunch you prepared. Or a personal correction on how you could have done it better. This child never says I am sorry. He is the one that hurts you to the core and who you pray most earnestly for. He is the one you worry about.
Now for non-homeschool world this child is difficult. He is the one the school calls home about. The one who got sucked into a game of 'pick on the fat kid' or a child that wrote naughty notes because someone told him to. This child talks back to teachers and stares out windows instead at the board. He is a challenge. He gets several different teachers who will tiptoe around his ego and hold his hand through every problem. They will attempt to build his low self esteem because that must be why he acts out. As a parent at home, you can survive the time the tyrant is home and then breathe when he is shipped off to school to be in some else's hair for a bit.
The homeschool mom has no such luxury. She will be a target for his misguided actions. He will ignore her careful plans and strive to be busy being anything but productive at his work. He will need almost constant supervision. When you are cleaning up the toddler, writing out math problems for your first grader and cutting up a chicken for supper he will wander from his studies to get the really good color crayons buried somewhere in his room or take a 35 minute bathroom break. He will become engrossed in watching a spider crawl across his bedroom ceiling and forget about his copywork. When you homeschool it is difficult to balance this child that takes three times longer to do everything. When you want to be starting Bible Study he is looking for his Bible becasue he has misplaced it... again. He makes everyone wait. He is often spouting authority he doesn't have. He fails to take responsibility for his actions unless they are golden. Then he doesn't let anyone forget it. It is exhausting.
Now on the flip side this is that kid with the million dollar smile. He gives it out like a gift. Eyes lit up mischievously. You can't help but love him in his naughtiness. You know there is an amazing potential in this child. One that if directed and guided can be a powerful tool for the LORD. His boldness is celebrated by God. His fearlessness is suited for sharing the gospel in unkind places. His ability to read you can be used for discernment in places of unrest and upheaval. His whimsy will allow him to get lost in God without guilt of all the have-tos and must-dos all of the law abiding, responsible folks miss out on.
But oh how painful it is to survive the here and now. How frustrating to feel that you may never see the day this child curbs his sin and instead uses his gifts for God's glory! It can bring a mother to tears. Sobbing tears. In the bathroom. With the Princess Petunia on her potty.
The Preacher Man peeks in and says : Honey, You are doing an amazing job.
I feel like I'm failing. ~snot running.
No, you're not failing.
He wraps me in his arms.
If he ends up in jail, will it be my fault?
No, it will be his choice. We will love him just like we love all our children in their messes. And we will visit him. ~ He chuckles.
LORD God, Bless mommy and help her stop it crying. Amen.
Out of Princess Petunia. I am blessed. I am doing something right.
In my concentrated prayer time this verse was jumping out at me. I had read it earlier in a distracted sort of way...
In fact let's take the whole chunk... How do we get the peace?7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:7
6 Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:4-7Well, aren't I making my requests known to God? Doesn't He know how painful this parent -child relationship can be? Well, of course HE does! Are we not often just like this spoiled, naughty child?
Which is why we are commanded to let our requests {petitions} be made known BY our prayers and supplication. The World English Dictionary defines Supplication as a humble entreaty or petition. Catch that? Humble. Humble Prayer. And we are to do that humble prayer WITH Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is the act of giving thanks; grateful acknowledgment of benefits or favors, especially to God.
I am often demanding that He fix this child. Or fix me. Or fix us. But I am not being humble in my request. I am expecting that I know better than my LORD. Oh how wrong! And I am forgetting to be thankful. I have much to be thankful for, even with this child that vexes me so very much.
The Lord goes on to tell me He will give me peace beyond all understanding if I will follow this simple equation. The LORD will guard my heart and my understanding if I am humble before Him and go to Him with thanksgiving.
In conclusion, He gives me the way to calm down those feelings of inadequacy. Of frustration. Of I feel like I am failing again thoughts. He gives meditation tools!
8 Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. ~Philippians 4:8If my attitude is defeatist I should dwell on things commendable.
If I am at the end of the proverbial rope I should think about the Strength the LORD gives me.
If I have had a day of constant disruption and agonized over language arts just one last time I can take a few moments and meditate on how blessed we are to pray through those lessons.
And the Peace will be with me.
Always Blessed,
Gretchen :)
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