My house has been kind of messy lately. Not dirty or grimy. Not problematic. Just kind of messy. Which in my world is a really good thing.
I am an emotional cleaner. When life gets tough I clean like physician pre-surgery. It is my way of thinking things out. The Hubs even knows its been a rough time when he comes home to a house that is fairly glowing in lemon and oil dust spray and orange vinegar.
So, how was school today, honey? I see you are scrubbing the picture frames and detailing the electronics....
In my B.C. life (Before Christ) I could be found cleaning the tile grout in the bathroom with a bottle of wine for company at 3 AM. I went through a time when I felt I had to clean mirrors and dust the end tables daily! My children have all been trained in quite well and when my oldest daughter was about 2 she would 'vacuum' and wash floors with me. We clean.
Cleaning for me is therapeutic. I can think things through or avoid thinking things through. While I am taking apart the fridge and digging old, spilled, jelly out of the veggie drawer I can try to work through some solutions to the problem. The more problems= the more washed walls.
Slightly messy and disorganized is a good thing. I am either too busy teaching my lovely children, running our family taxi service, Gretch-cab, or I'm just in a pretty good place emotionally and I don't need to be working the junk out.
I have been striving to trust the LORD with my burdens and let go of the worries. He tells us that we need to trust Him to provide; so there are NO worries.
“Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! ~Luke 12:26-28
My Lord will take on my concerns and problems. My illness and my frustration. My weeping heart over a child. My raging anger because I felt wronged. He will connect himself to my mess and carry it for me. I am far to weak to do it on my own.
"...Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” ~Matthew 11:29-30
He even commands us to bear others up and help them with their troubles. Or to be the one that is helped...
Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.~ Galatians 6:2
So this I know.
Then this week happened. One little pile of stuff that threw me for a loop, on top a stack of yuckiness in the form of a phone call, placed next to frustrating eek, and covered with some family holiday planning and I am entering into the Twilight Zone of cleaning cravings.
My week crescendos into a full sized master mess party today at my sister's house. I will love seeing all my sibs and family again for another Big Family Style Eatfest. The kids will play and be loud and obnoxious. We will visit and laugh till our stomachs hurt and drink copious amounts of hot coffee. It will be divine.
It will also be hard. I will see my Pa for the first time in quite some time. It will be awkward and we will discuss the weather. We will chat about football that he used to hate. We will politely describe how all the children are doing. We will NOT discuss many things.
I love him. I miss him. Somewhere in the business of my parents divorce we all lost him. He is just a mystery. He is just kinda not there... or here... He has a new life with very close connections and we have never many any except his wife.
I wish we all knew him better. Like when we were kids. When he would point out stars to us and give them names. When he used to pluck bits of pretty flowers from the roadside and tell us the names of them. When we were young he was gone a lot, but on Friday nights in the summer he would give us wagon rides and challenge us to catch fireflies. He would stand in the front yard, beer in hand, and throw a ratty ball to whichever dog we happened to have at that time. I think Sammy was his favorite.
We would make him carrot cake for his birthday and he always said, I don't know. Oh, Okay a little piece. And then eat two. He would make meat spreads and put them on saltines and leave crumbs everywhere. Coffee black. Tuna smothered in mayo with potato chips on mom's homemade bread. Dancing at weddings. The Teal Suit for church on Sundays.
Ah. When did life change so much? My children don't know that man. It is sad. It is however all to often a part of life, is it not? I turn to My Father in Heaven to help me wade through this miry place.
Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future. There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, and one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all. ~Ephesians 4:1-6
Be Patient, Gretchen. Be Forgiving. Be Humble in spirit. Pray. Breathe. Love.
Love him where he's at.
|...not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these..|
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