31 Cups: Sound the Retreat

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Sound the Retreat

Sometimes I need to retreat. To pull back from the hurt and pain that comes with life.

Retreat from the confusion of my own wants and desires. My weak attempt to make things work out.

Sometimes I want to hide from everything. To cover up my head with my grandmother's quilt and not surface.

Usually this is after I have railed aloud at God, screamed at the top of my lungs for an answer to my needs, my wants, and cried until I am spent.

Then I take cover.

Retreat to the quiet of my head.

Which is never really quiet.

So I fill it with audio versions of the Book of Psalms because I am too weak to even read.
I listen. I breathe. I fill myself with the words of David:

Psalm 4

Confident Plea for Deliverance from Enemies

To the leader: with stringed instruments. A Psalm of David.

¹Answer me when I call, O God of my right!
    You gave me room when I was in distress.
    Be gracious to me, and hear my prayer.

²How long, you people, shall my honor suffer shame?
    How long will you love vain words, and seek after lies? Selah
³But know that the Lord has set apart the faithful for himself;
    the Lord hears when I call to him.

⁴When you are disturbed,do not sin;
    ponder it on your beds, and be silent. Selah
⁵Offer right sacrifices,
    and put your trust in the Lord.

⁶There are many who say, “O that we might see some good!
    Let the light of your face shine on us, O Lord!”
⁷You have put gladness in my heart
    more than when their grain and wine abound.

⁸I will both lie down and sleep in peace;
    for you alone, O Lord, make me lie down in safety.

There are times when my enemy is myself. My own thoughts that seek to bring me down.
To be distraught and saddened beyond outside control is a mournful thing.

So I sound the retreat.

When crying out appears to be met with deaf ears.
When Hope is a splendored thing that it seems is not meant for me.
When life has brought you to the place of a tauntly stretched guitar string and all you can hear is that high-pitched whinning and vibrating sadness; It Can Feel Like Just Too Much.

Retreat to God's Word.

Psalm 6

Prayer for Recovery from Grave Illness

To the leader: with stringed instruments; according to The Sheminith. A Psalm of David.

¹O Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger,
    or discipline me in your wrath.
²Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing;
    O Lord, heal me, for my bones are shaking with terror.
³My soul also is struck with terror,
    while you, O Lord—how long?

⁴Turn, O Lord, save my life;
    deliver me for the sake of your steadfast love.
⁵For in death there is no remembrance of you;
    in Sheol who can give you praise?

⁶I am weary with my moaning;
    every night I flood my bed with tears;
    I drench my couch with my weeping.
⁷My eyes waste away because of grief;
    they grow weak because of all my foes.

⁸Depart from me, all you workers of evil,
    for the Lord has heard the sound of my weeping.
⁹The Lord has heard my supplication;
    the Lord accepts my prayer.
¹⁰All my enemies shall be ashamed and struck with terror;
    they shall turn back, and in a moment be put to shame.

Find Solace in another who has cried for help. Who has been brought low by life and it's circumstances.

It may feel like God doesn't hear you. It may feel like you are alone. It may feel like all hope is lost. It may feel like He isn't helping. It may feel like you are drowning in your tears and that your string is going to break.

Find peace in His Word.

Psalm 17: 6-8, 15

⁶I call upon you, for you will answer me, O God;
    incline your ear to me, hear my words.
⁷Wondrously show your steadfast love,
    O savior of those who seek refuge
    from their adversaries at your right hand.

⁸Guard me as the apple of the eye;
    hide me in the shadow of your wings,

¹⁵As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness;
    when I awake I shall be satisfied, beholding your likeness.

Understand in your retreat, that He is still there. He still loves you.
When your guitar string breaks, and sometimes it will, that is when He can restring you with newness. He can lift you up and hold you in an embrace of such Father Love you are once again whole.

For it is in the Breaking that we are than able to start to heal. It is in our weakness, our sadness, our faulty attempts that He is made greater.

2 Corinthians 12: 8-10

Three times I appealed to the Lord about this, that it would leave me, ⁹but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. ¹⁰Therefore I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong.