My Hobbit-ness

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I've been Waiting.

For the words to come...

so I can be a writer again.

With something to say.

I've been avoiding writing because...

then I may have to face some of the stuff that makes life hard...
             and breakable...
                       and hurtful.

I started writing because I felt God wanted me to be honest and let my faulty life, my slip-sliding walk with Him be on display. 

Not because it is comfortable. 

Not because I like sharing my stubborn wrongs. 

Not because I like looking like I've failed more than I have succeeded. 

But, instead, because He wanted me to. 

Perhaps in my messiness others can see that the Christian walk isn't perfect. My prayer is that my translucent life will be comforting to someone who is seeking God's truth. I am a walking Poster Girl for the 'you don't have to be perfect to become a Christ Follower' bit of truth you have heard preached to you. 

So now, back to writing. Or avoiding writing.

We have found ourselves in a bit of a life dilemma. One of those 'one more things' that feels it may just break open a flood of tears that doesn't stop. It isn't a sudden surprise but instead a slowly creeping knowing. Not a knowing I wanted to have. 

We are praying God will give us a clear leading on our next step. I am secretly hoping for a neon sign or a certified letter saying: DO THIS! The Preacher Man has faith that would move hills but even he is feeling a bit mystified.

I am a planning with provision kind of woman. 
I like things to be safe...
                                  and comfortable...
                         and repetitive...
                               and constant.

I am not okay with shifting sands under my feet and moving floor foundations. I get nervous when there isn't a plan in place for our future. I am a creature who loves habit. 

I love my morning coffee and my fuzzy socks. I like the quilt that my grandma made and my comfy spot on the couch. I enjoy lunch with Raspberry Leaf Tea and checking the mail at 1:30. I really like it when my day runs in order.

I guess you could say that I'm sounding a bit like a Hobbit.

“Sorry! I don't want any adventures, thank you. Not Today. Good morning! But please come to tea -any time you like! Why not tomorrow? Good bye!”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit 

Adventure is not on my list of great wants. Take your Elven chain mail and Orc sword and be gone with you.

Yet I think in some small (or big?) way God is going to be bringing us to a new adventure. I don't want to face it and would rather hide in my Hobbit Hole having a cup of tea and a biscuit. With some chocolate.

 'I am looking for someone to share in an adventure that I am arranging, and it's very difficult to find anyone.'

'I should think so — in these parts! We are plain quiet folk and have no use for adventures. Nasty disturbing uncomfortable things! Make you late for dinner!'
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

Hobbit Hole

The LORD has a plan though. It most likely does include making me late for dinner once or twice. It also includes so much more than that. It is a chance to put my belief, faith, and trust into action. 

In the book Why? by Anne Graham Lotz, she describes it this way:(emphasis mine)

"Because while belief is the consent of the mind and faith is a choice of the will, trust is a commitment of the heart."     

So my heart better get to trusting. Not that it is easy. Not knowing what will happen. Not knowing if we will fall or rise. If it will be harder before it gets easier.

 “It was at this point that Bilbo stopped. Going on from there was the bravest thing he ever did. The tremendous things that happened afterward were as nothing compared to it. He fought the real battle in the tunnel alone, before he ever saw the vast danger that lay in wait.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

So I think we will begin with the Going On. The taking of a step forward in Blind Obedience. Against what others may think or may say. Against what I would think or say. Does not God show time and again that those that trust Him do not go without His blessings? It is necessary though, to remember His blessings are not necessarily our wants.

 “Where there's life there's hope, and need of vittles.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

His blessings are there for us if we but wade through our shallow whys and why-nots. 

 “The world is indeed full of peril and in it there are many dark places.
But still there is much that is fair. And though in all lands, love is now
mingled with grief, it still grows, perhaps, the greater.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

 We are going to step into the tunnel and see what the LORD has in His plan for us. Not my plan.

 “There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something. You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

The best part of the personal pep talk? You have all shared in it with me! So no more not writing because I don't have the words. No more being ashamed of my humanness. You are going to get a bare soul sharing of my inadequacies and on top of it I'll occasionally throw in a recipe or a tip. A beautiful picture and a way to be healthier. God will get the glory because it is all because of Him!

⁸ For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord.
⁹ For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways    and my thoughts than your thoughts. ~Isaiah 55:8-9

Always Blessed,

Gretchen :)  

Quotes found at: Good Reads and Good Reads

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